Facebook Spoilers

There is a need for a new etiquette and understanding to be applied to all posts on facebook, twitter, and whatever other social networking sites take their place. The other day, someone on my facebook feed posted something about a television episode that I had yet to watch regarding a major surprise development. As a result, I was robbed of experiencing the important twist, because I knew it was going to happen.

Under no circumstances should posters reveal information in television or movies that other people have potentially not yet seen. Considering how ubiquitous DVRs/Tivos are, often people do not watch these episodes in real time. Posting information that can spoil the viewing experience for others is a sucky thing to do.

Comment Sprinters

I don’t believe that there is a word or phrase in the official or pop culture lexicon to describe the people that I will now complain about, so I have labeled them “comment sprinters.” I’m referring to a disturbing trend in internet commenting where certain posters believe they have achieved some kind of small victory by being the first to comment on a particular item. Rather than post something of substance, they simply write “First!” or “Second!” Sometimes, people add “First” despite the fact that there are actually several people who have commented in the few seconds or minutes since the item was posted. I have noticed a lot of this on the fantasy sports sites that I frequent, and it is pretty annoying.

Now, I am as big a competitor in all things as the next guy, but the fact that people have turned web commenting into some kind of race or sport is pretty laughable. I would be very interested in meeting the person who thinks that being the first to comment on an article represents an accomplishment. Instead of waiting to pounce on the next internet article in order to win the comment sprint and posting “first!”, these people should just post “Pathetic!” since that’s what they are.

The Millionaire Matchmaker

I couldn’t sleep the other night, and as a result I was treated to one of the worst TV viewing experiences of my life. The only thing I could find that was on was “The Millionaire Matchmaker” on Bravo. In my opinion, the only thing that Bravo is good for is reruns of “Law and Order: Criminal Intent,” and this show certainly doesn’t help their case.

As far as I can tell, the premise of the show is that a bunch of older, wealthy single men hire this woman to set them up on dates with potential love connections. But rather than providing pleasant service and catering to their desires, she tends to yell at them and demean them. For example, she was riding this one guy for his desire to date younger women. If the guy is paying for the matchmaker to set him up with his ideal match, and he wants a younger woman, then she should shut her mouth and get him what he asks for. I’m pretty sure that the only thing she is good at is being such a loud and annoying bitch that the women she sets the millionaires up with seem amazing and likable by comparison. “The Millionaire Matchmaker” show sucks, and she sucks even more.

George W. Bush, Enemy of Science

george-w-bushToday, President Obama attempted to fix one of the most serious (of many) mistakes of the Bush presidency with a stroke of the pen. Obama overturned an order signed by President Bush in 2001 that barred the National Institutes of Health from funding research on embryonic stem cells beyond the existing cell lines. Bush also twice vetoed legislation that would have expanded federally funded embryonic stem cell research. Because he refused to allow government funding on the basis of his personal religious beliefs, Bush may have robbed millions of Americans and future generations of valuable scientific advances.

In addition to the obvious negative consequences from retarding scientific progress, Mr. Bush is guilty of violating one of the most cherished backbones of the United States government and its ideology, that of the separation of church and state. His actions set an extremely dangerous political precedent. Theoretically, if Americans elected a Christian Scientist as president, couldn’t he or she deny government funding for any medical and scientific research based on his or her personal beliefs? Could an Amish president put an end to funding for energy projects?

Thank you President Obama for quickly remedying one of the many errors of ex-President Bush which made him suck so very much.

Suck it To Me Sucker of the Month: Joaquin Phoenix

Considering the vote is tied between Francis Hummel, a fictional Marine general from “The Rock” played very well by Ed Harris, and a real life actor with questionable behavior, it looks like Mr. Phoenix is the first sucker selection from Suck It To Me.

The first thing that sucks about Mr. Phoenix the reason that I refer to him as Mr. Phoenix. I’m not attempting to confer respect on the man, his name simply sucks. As far as first names go, Joaquin is pretty bad. I had to look it up to spell it, and I’m still not certain about how to pronounce it, so I simply won’t use it. I keep thinking about the old time Jewish comedians and actors who changed their names for various and complex reasons to “Americanize” them. Apparently Mr. Phoenix doesn’t give a damn about that kind of thing. However, it hasn’t really seemed to hurt his career much.

Mr. Phoenix is considered to be a very accomplished actor by critics and peers, and was rewarded with an oscar nomination for his portrayal of Johnny Cash in “Walk the Line.” I saw that movie, and wasn’t crazy about it. My favorite Phoenix movie is probably Gladiator. He did a great job of portraying fictional Roman Emperor Comicus as an extremely unlikeable little pissant in comparison to Russell Crowe’s hero. Really though, other than those two movies and a great appearance as a child in “Space Camp,” I really don’t think Mr. Phoenix is all that accomplished. He’s not exactly De Niro , and he hasn’t done the kind of box office of a Will Smith or a Tom Cruise.

However, Mr. Phoenix must feel he has accomplished great feats as an actor, because he has decided to quit the movie biz and pursue a music career. And not just any music, but hip-hop. So if he is really as talented as some suggest, he kind of sucks for robbing his fans of continued performances.

Boston Red Sox Fans in New York City

Memo to all of these people who walk around New York City with Boston Red Sox hats: Take those hats off, or don’t be surprised if someone knocks them off of your heads for you. On my most recent trip to Manhattan, I saw 3 Red Sox hats in the space of a couple of hours. I realize this may be a bit of an exaggeration, but it is kind of the equivalent of wearing a crips headband in the bloods section of town. You just don’t do it, and you are taking a silly chance that might end up getting you hurt.

If I sported a Yankees cap in Beantown, I can just imagine the kinds of insults that would be hurled at me in those terrible accents that make even the smartest New Englanders sound uneducated. I’m a big Yankees fan, but that still would not provide me with a reason to wear a Yankees hat in Boston. It is basically giving a big “screw you” to everyone who sees me. What exactly are these people trying to accomplish? The three people I saw with Red Sox hats the other day may have been very nice, agreeable souls, but after one look at their hats I wanted to punch them in the face. Is that the first impression that is worth cultivating?

If this is the kind of behavior that is encouraged in “Red Sox Nation,” we should declare fake war on their fake countrymen. First of all, most of the members of the so-called “Red Sox Nation” only jumped on the bandwagon after the 2004 World Championship, made possible by one of the worst collapses in baseball history. Allegedly, that victory, plus the added title a few years later, has erased the inferiority complex which plagued the Red Sox fanbase who had been rooting for a perennial loser. Whenever I was asked about the Yankees-Red Sox rivalry, I would respond that in order for a rivalry to exist, both sides must do a fair share of winning. But the Yankees owned the Sox until 2004. My theory is that those victories haven’t helped the self-esteem of the fans, which is causing them to wear these hats to try and prove that their team has truly arrived.

So congratulations to the Red Sox for finally notching a few important wins against the New York Yankees. It only took you 80 or so years. But that still doesn’t give Red Sox fans the right to parade their paraphernalia in the faces of New Yorkers. Anyone who does that sucks.

ESPN’s Streak for the Cash

ESPN is running a contest called “Streak for the Cash,” where the object is to pick among 10 or so A vs. B propositions for daily sports events. Whoever achieves a winning streak of 27 by the end of March wins $1 million.

On Tuesday night, I noticed that one of the selections for Wednesday was Brandon Roy (Points + Rebounds) vs. Tim Duncan (Points + Rebounds). The reason this intrigued me is that Duncan was a late scratch from Tuesday’s game so I figured he might also be out on Wednesday, or at least not be playing at full strength. So I picked Brandon Roy. I was really happy when I heard Duncan was ruled out of the game on Wednesday afternoon, because I figured I now had a free victory (Duncan’s total would be 0). But for some reason, even though I picked the game before that information was released, ESPN removed that choice and I was not given credit for the correct pick. Now, if this had been a true bet, there is no way that I would not be paid. I would simply be rewarded for my foresight.

Since there is nothing in the official game rules giving ESPN the prerogative to disallow valid choices in the face of new information, they suck for being completely unfair.